I started this year with many goals, one of them being a relationship. I have on my vision board all the kinds of images I want to experience in a relationship and I say all the right affirmations to get me believing. Well, more than half way down in the year, I am still as single as the number one!
When I think about this time last year, my single status was a disappointment to me. I felt perplexed and began to think that perhaps I was destined to retain this single status. However, fast forward into 2016 and this time round it is quite the contrary feeling. I feel so expectant. I feel like I am coming full circle and can finally really relate to when people say you must be a complete person before you can attract your mate.
So what has changed in me this time round for me to feel the most tangible expectation of love than ever before? Or for me to now feel like I am at a stage of saying that I am evolving into a complete woman?
Well the first thing has been the investment in myself. This year I made a commitment to become more emotionally intelligent and more emotionally stable. I decided I was going to embark on a journey of self development and growth. Having suffered from anxiety attacks since my teens and having had constant feelings of overwhelm and confusion I just knew that I could not be in any state to attract a stable and emotionally sound man unless I changed. So over the last 8 months, I have empowered and continue to empower myself. I share some of the ways I have done this in my previous post on loneliness which you can read later, but suffice to say that my commitment to self-development has, for the first time, enabled me to discover myself more than ever before. I can now really identify with some of the key purposes of my life and this self-discovery will certainly go down as one of my major breakthroughs for 2016.
The optimism I feel now about life when I wake up and the confidence with which I live my life now, is largely down to the fact that I no longer feel like I am lost in the world. I now know that there really is a reason for living and that guides my path each day.
Ok so wait. Does this mean that my life is now perfect and every day is like summer breeze? Er no!! Not at all. What it does mean though, is that bouts of anger, frustration, anxiety, pain and depression no longer last and they no longer have a hold on me as they did before. I can bounce back from a fall and keep it moving because I am stronger and clearer about who I am.
The greatest test for me that has made me realize just how far I have come in my journey and has made me realize just how centered I have become, actually came through a potential ‘relationship situation’ that I experienced earlier this year. I finally reached a point where I was able to honor my truth, feel no fear in speaking my truth and be fine with when my truth resulted in having to let things go.
I had met someone who ticked a large number of my requirements for a relationship and who on paper seemed to be a great match, however from the onset of our meeting, my intuition made it clear that this was not the right situation for me and I knew I would be required to apply the things I have learnt so far in my self-development journey in this new situation. It was like an invisible test I was facing.
I honored my intuition about this situation with prayer and allowed myself to be freely guided. As the weeks passed I noticed the confidence I had in setting my boundaries and in not allowing my previous passive self to prevail. For the first time, I was not scared to tell someone else what I really wanted and nor was I afraid to state what I was not prepared to accept. I was bold enough to face the possibility that standing up for myself would result in the situation not working out. I was an empowered woman with a voice to say ‘No’ when it didn’t feel right and I was grounded enough to know that the situation not working out was not about me or my inadequacies but about me knowing myself well enough to know that I deserved better and to comfortably leave what did not serve my highest good. This was a liberating experience. I had control.
I am now at a stage of greater completeness in myself than ever before. I have begun the journey of self-mastery, started on the path of my purpose and now living my truth without fear which I know is a catalyst to much needed breakthroughs in all aspects of my life.
Complete singleness is really about the investment in yourself, it’s about the mastering of yourself, discovering your purpose and living your life from a place of your core values. It is in being complete that you become ready to find the one that compliments you and not the one you think needs to complete you. I obviously don’t know when true love will come knocking or how soon, but honestly that no longer matters because I am busy with just making my life count for great things because I now have a clearer picture of who I am and I encourage you to do the same whether single or not.
Till next time, I’ll be loving me always and you should be completely loving you.
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