Complete Singleness

Just B - September 11, 2016

Why Am I Struggling?

Just B - September 11, 2016

When You Get In Your Own Way.

Just B - September 11, 2016

I have big dreams, like really big audacious dreams and sometimes the idea of them coming true for me just seems impossible.  But let’s leave the really big ‘out of this world’ type dreams to one side for a moment, because arguably, such dreams may actually be downright unrealistic and impossible.  Let’s look at the regular ‘should be doable’ type dreams instead.  You know, the kind of dreams like ‘I want to double my income this year’ or start a new business or travel.  Whatever the dream.  Do you, like me, find that succeeding at your goals and dreams sometimes is just like a plain frustrating and impossible struggle?  I looked at my remaining goals for this year and I have to be honest, my heart sank.

I mean they are dreams I really want, but manifesting them just seem so far-fetched, and what makes it worse, is seeing other people literally just cruising along life with all their dreams popping up like popcorn.  Now I’m not a hater, honestly, but like seriously, what did I miss here?

Well, recently, whilst doing some of my many self-development activities and reading, I stumbled on the notion of self-sabotage.  Of course, this is not a new concept to me and I have heard it many times before, but for some reason while listening to a particular audio program, this idea of sabotage really struck a chord with me and I want to share it with you here.

You see, self-sabotage is the idea that you really want to do something or you really want something, but for some reason, in a subconscious manner, you act in ways that literally make it impossible for you to achieve it.  So for example, let’s say you really want to find a happy relationship and you want to meet a cool decent person, but when that person finally shows up, that’s the time you start acting like a lunatic, blowing up at the smallest argument or being cold and unloving.  Obviously, such behavior isn’t going to make that relationship very happy nor will it last that long. But, here’s the thing, what if you really didn’t intend to be that way when the person finally showed up?  What if somehow you just couldn’t help but act up and spoil the relationship?

A lot of the reasons why we are just not pulling through with our dreams is because something is wired within the deep crevices of our minds that cause us to stand in our own way and self-sabotage.  There is something going on in the background telling us that though we want this thing, for whatever reason, it is not safe for us to have it.  Self-sabotage basically has its roots firmly planted in fear.  Whenever we get close to making our dreams a reality or before we even get started on our dreams we do something that causes it to all come crashing down, we are self-sabotaging.  There is an element of fear or a limiting belief that we are responding to that makes us ruin our dreams.  The question is, what is that fear? What is that limiting belief?

I decided to start looking at areas of my life to try and see where I am actually self-sabotaging my efforts to be a better person and to achieve my dreams.  This was not just some five-minute inspection in the mirror to check myself.  I am still doing a lot of introspection to find out some of the root causes to the issues I face in my life because I am unraveling layers and layers of things that will take time to get to the core.

One of the things that came up for me when I decided to take a good look at myself, was my fear of success.  I know that sounds totally crazy!  Why in the world would I be scared of success? I’ve got dreams of traveling the world first class, owning businesses, making a difference in people’s lives and all that good stuff and here I am saying that I am scared that I will succeed in all of these things!  I know it’s nuts, but here’s what I discovered.  This fear of success found its roots in the belief that somehow I’m not good enough and that I don’t know what I’m doing.  This therefore translated into procrastination for me.  I would delay on taking action towards my goals or start and then stop once I reached a certain point, all because in my subconscious mind I was running a program that said ‘I’m not good enough, so what’s the point of starting’ or ‘you better stop right now before you make a fool of yourself and show everyone that you don’t know what you are doing’.

Isn’t that sad? When this revelation came to me, I thought about all the opportunities I had to really make something of myself and my  dreams, even if they were tiny achievements, but these opportunities passed me by because of this fear.  There is much more uncovering for me to do to get to the place of being all that I can be in this life, but getting a deeper picture of what is going on in my subconscious mind is really becoming life changing.

What about you? What areas in your life are you self-sabotaging?  Take time to look inward and then take steps to change them.

Till next time.

Just B



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  1. I can totally identify with the self sabotage theory.. especially the procrastination part of it, I wear the crown when it comes to that.. Also beacuse I had a failed marriage I often unconciously self sabotage prospective relationships beacuse of the fear of it not working out and failing a second time without even given it a try, I will imagine101 things that would go wrong before it even starts, but thank God for blogs like this one that helps us open our mind to self realisation..

    1. Wow thanks for sharing! Yes, very often our past experiences form a critical part of reasons why we self-sabotage. I’m glad this blog post has inspired you, it’s my dream to really share my life lessons so that others can relate to them and be inspired by them. xx

  2. The fear of success is real and is expressed in so many ways. Sometimes I think: what would people say? what if it doesn’t work out? no one is doing it so why should i bother? It can get depressing really, but i’ve realized that it’s better to just risk it than regretting why i didn’t try later on in life.

  3. I agree with you! I have fear of success as well. I dream big, I have visions, I constantly write but when it is time to execute, I run away. Fear envelopes me and all these voices in my head start to tell me I cant or I am not good enough and I listen. For me, it was looking at my life from a very young age, and I was being told literally that I wont amount to anything. That i was a failure and I have somehow believed that my whole life. I was waiting for approval to step into my greatness but that approval isnt going to come and I had to face the harsh truth and I decided to take matters in my own hands and do me. I find being grateful helps, just looking around me and saying the things I am grateful puts my mind in a different state and helps me build up that courage I need to go out there and reach my goals. Also being vulnerable in that moment with my feelings and my thought process, knowing that I am deserving and I am not what others say I am. I am sorry for your long comment, I am loving your blog. This is what I do for a living and I am glad I came across your blog. It just connected with my soul instantly.

    1. Wow Abby what amazing insights! Yes you are right a lot of the fear we have really stems from childhood and what someone at some point in our lives said to us. I am glad you stumbled across my blog and look forward to more of your comments! Thank you for sharing love xx

  4. Thank you for writing this blog, At the I am trying to start up my own photography business and its been scary because am afraid of a whole lot but right now am encouraged and ready to give it a try….Thank you

    1. That’s awesome WaSeyi! Yes, believe in yourself and push through your dreams no matter what! You definitely have what it takes. Thank you for stopping by and for commenting! xx

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