Mindfully Sick (part 4)

Just B - July 21, 2016

Complete Singleness

Just B - July 21, 2016

Finding YOU In Loneliness.

Just B - July 21, 2016

It may come as a surprise to a few that for many years I battled with loneliness.  I have never been the socialite or the butterfly in the room, in fact quite the contrary.  I am the quiet observer in the room watching and assessing if and when I should speak.  I would generally wait for people to strike conversations with me before socializing.  Although this was my general demeanor I was always baffled by the fact that I was known to many, people recognized me and introduced themselves or how people just struck up conversations with an air of familiarity that I had no affinity to.

I was always surrounded by people but was still always acutely aware of how lonely I was and how lonely I felt which made me feel out of sync with people.

As I evolved in my journey, I came to realize that loneliness was a choice and that if I was lonely, then it was within my power to change it.  I was not a victim of loneliness, I was a creator of it and it followed, that if loneliness made me unhappy, I was the creator of that too.  When this became my reality I started changing some things in my life.

The first thing was to start enjoying my own company.  I know this sounds counter-intuitive considering that I wanted to stop feeling lonely, but in actual fact it was the very and most important thing that I needed to do.  If I did not like my own company, how could I expect others to or expect to enjoy being in the company of others?  If I was not aware of myself, knowing the things I liked and disliked, things I wanted and hoped for, then how could I possibly expect to attract happiness and the right people into my life?

Some of the ways I began enjoying my own company was by doing things I would normally enjoy doing with others by myself.  I would go to a restaurant alone and my eat my favourite dish or try something new.  In fact this has become my regular ‘to do’ thing.  I love it.  I don’t feel strange at all and though I get the occasional stares it really doesn’t actually get people looking at me as if I’m odd or weird.  I would go to the sauna every Saturday and just revel in the silence of my own company, chilling out at home with a book, and dance to my favourite music in front of the mirror and pretend to be Beyonce, Tina Turner or just simply be me!  I learnt to have a blast with myself.

Do you know what this did for me?  All these activities got me to notice my humorous side, the sexy side of me, and the intuitive and reflective sides of me.  They got me to see parts of me that I couldn’t really see clearly among the herd of people around me daily.  Discovering these things have become the very bait of attraction that brings a whole range of interesting people my way.  I became more confident and assertive because I had a better sense of self.  When I started noticing all these changes, I begun finding more ways to conquer loneliness.

I found clubs of my interests which for me were fitness and self-development related, I read books and joined book clubs, then I started joining in on social media, following accounts that attracted my interests and inspired me.  Networking events were finally the demon I conquered.  Whilst still reserved in nature, I made better attempts at reaching out and speaking to people and wow how fascinating did it become to get to meet so many people from diverse walks of life!  Now I have a core social circle of meaningful and close friends and I am now equipped to stand in a room and choose whether or not to be an introvert, knowing that whichever way, loneliness is no longer a feeling that lingers.

So, if loneliness is something you are experiencing, then the first thing you need to understand is that it is a choice that  you are making and you can change it.  Secondly loneliness stops when you start being alone with yourself.  Be your own best friend first and soon you will see how your world begins to bloom and open up.

Why not plan a date with yourself this week? And just be you! If you do, share your experience with me.

Till the next time, be so filled with loving YOU and spread whatever love that spills out on to others.

Lots of love

Just ‘B’




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  1. Truly, loneliness is a choice, I tell myself not to let anyone define my happiness. And I suround myself with positive people.
    Good write up. 👍👍

  2. Nice! Can we be friends pls? I totally agree with you on taking out time to spend with yourself. Results are amazing! A lot of people are scared to spend time with themselves and that’s when self doubt and all those creepy little voices get in your head. The less time you spend with yourself, the more is taken away from you and its utter confusion. Thanks once again. And also thanks for reminding me of the importance of doing this every week.

  3. I enjoyed reading this article. I found your link through your “move back to Nigeria” article published on bellanaija.com. I’m looking forward to planning a date for and with myself…definitely, a nice restaurant, and may be see a movie…and may be something else I haven’t thought about. Cheers!

    1. That is Awesome!! Nikki!

      Good for you! Go out and enjoy life and you’ll see just how wonder life is!

      Wishing you all the best!

      Just B

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